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PostSubject: Poetry   Poetry EmptyTue Oct 07, 2008 12:04 am

I have a question

:is anyone here good at poetry? or know anything about it?

lately ive been starting to write it and have had several people compliment on it.. one even forcing me to send it into a contest at new york [i doubt it'll get anywhere, but you never know]

i really need help with the formatting tho.. where to capitalize, put commas, periods etc etc..
read these and give input/advice or just compliments, those always make me feel good Smile

Left for Dead
Spoiler:

The Knife
Spoiler:

if they are a bit confusing to you ill try to explain them, also im new to poetry so if they make absolutely no sence to you dont blame me, they did to me im hoping others are understanding what im trying to say in these..


Last edited by Demonic_iTunes on Tue Oct 07, 2008 12:39 am; edited 1 time in total
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SkapeGoat
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PostSubject: Re: Poetry   Poetry EmptyTue Oct 07, 2008 12:36 am

Left For Dead- my suggestion it sounds like it flows a little more but doesnt work as well with the there after.

"He spits his blood"
"You spit none"
"When it seems like its over"
"And you think you have won"
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PostSubject: Re: Poetry   Poetry EmptyTue Oct 07, 2008 12:39 am

i see.. so simply add the line "And you think you have won" in between "When it seems likes its over" and "the unexpected happens"?
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SkapeGoat
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PostSubject: Re: Poetry   Poetry EmptyTue Oct 07, 2008 12:47 am

that or replace "the unexpected happens"
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kuro
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PostSubject: Re: Poetry   Poetry EmptyTue Oct 07, 2008 12:53 am

'left for dead' needs more flowing

e.g. if five lines have 4 syllables and all rhyme, and then the next few have 5 or six syllables and dont rhyme, it messes up the poem's flow.

i like the knife one Very Happy

starts at point A... goes to point B... restates point A and goes back to point A but with a stronger point... full circle! i like it! ^_^
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AquaAscension
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PostSubject: Re: Poetry   Poetry EmptyTue Oct 07, 2008 7:16 pm

I'll comment on this later, but I'm in class at the moment...

BTW, I've written poetry for about 7 years now. It's usually slam, but yeah.
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PostSubject: Re: Poetry   Poetry EmptyTue Oct 07, 2008 8:16 pm

kuro wrote:
'left for dead' needs more flowing

e.g. if five lines have 4 syllables and all rhyme, and then the next few have 5 or six syllables and dont rhyme, it messes up the poem's flow.

i like the knife one Very Happy

starts at point A... goes to point B... restates point A and goes back to point A but with a stronger point... full circle! i like it! ^_^

thanks kuro Smile

if anyone is wondering why both of them are a little 'dark' in a sence.. its because these happy and jolly poems you see have no conflict, and that extremely bores me..
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AquaAscension
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PostSubject: Re: Poetry   Poetry EmptyWed Oct 08, 2008 1:14 am

I'm trying to figure out of the top one is metaphorical or a description of an incident. Either or it's good though it loses me in some places.
You made one grammatical error, but it's not a big deal.
Quote :
And when it seems like its over
should be it's

Yep. Ummm, I'm going to share as well. Enjoy?

Spoiler:
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PostSubject: Re: Poetry   Poetry EmptySat Oct 18, 2008 3:29 am

AquaAscension wrote:
I'm trying to figure out of the top one is metaphorical or a description of an incident. Either or it's good though it loses me in some places.
You made one grammatical error, but it's not a big deal.
Quote :
And when it seems like its over
should be it's

Yep. Ummm, I'm going to share as well. Enjoy?

Spoiler:

lol i like yours but its to complicated for me.. i cant understand it as much as some of these better poets could..
yeah ill change the its thing

i would try to explain.. but like a friend of mine once said.
Jake wrote:
"i dont know what it means, i just write the shit"

Heres the one i just finished

Pressure
Spoiler:
Its a little bit longer then the other two.. i dont think it flows as good, but i read a book lately about steroid use and thought of this..

*BUMP*

The Official
Spoiler:

*Based on a True Story*
This one is about the football game i got back from a few hours ago..
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