Proof that a woman can never be happy, nor make up

In my experience DBC, any girl will drop anything to date a 3 year older college guy. It doesn't matter if they are totally incompatible because he will say things like "I love you" or "We are going to be together forever" or other sappy romantic things and then they just spend all their time having sex. That's what he is in it for. She thinks she's special because an older guy likes her and is a stupid/easily deceived 16 year old.

I have seen this countless times and heard dozens of stories from girls that had this happen to them. In a few months or maybe a year, who knows, she will realize what's going on. No one can tell her before then. When she does realize, she still probably won't want you back out of shame. (If nothing else.)

tl;dr Girls are stupid and there's nothing you can do about it.



Jay, I too believing in having a few meaningful relationships. I have THREE friends that I truly care about and trust. (And only 2/3 of those feel the same about me.) Others are merely a way to pass the time on occasion.

And yes, every girl is special. They all have a unique mind based on their experiences and I value that. What is wrong with a desire to get to know someone better? I can sort people within a few minutes of knowing them into categories that tell me whether I want to get to know them better or not. With men, I usually do some kind of social event with them. With women, I either call them or ask them out. It doesn't HAVE to be romantic, I mean what I say LITERALLY. "I want to get to know you better." means that they are an interesting person who I believe could be of value to me as an acquaintance to learn from, a friend to share with, or possibly even a romantic partner depending on how a date went.

People take dates WAAAY too seriously. By far the best way to get to know someone is by having a one on one conversation and the best way to do that is with a date. 1st date = have a nice conversation somewhere, not uber romantic dinner or something.

It really doesn't at younger ages, people just have a huge social stigma against it. To be honest, most people are "biologically mature" at around 16, but legally they're still treated as kids. Doing more "adult" things like smoking and drinking make you feel more your biological age. That's one of the reasons she's attracted to him. That's something he can give him, that you can't. A feeling of maturity. Again, you're biased. You don't like him. I don't know him - but I can accept that just because you smoke weed or drink doesn't mean you're a failure that can't support, emotionally, physically and financially. I'll grant that, yes, maybe he's just in it for the sex - but there is the chance that he just does genuinely like her, and her him. Maybe at first for "all the wrong reasons" (Feeling of maturity, and feeling of superiority respectively) but that doesn't mean a relationship can't be fostered or developed. Again - love is complicated. It's not some bullshit you see in the movies where the two characters are always meant for eachother and you know who's supposed to be with who.

@Dragon: The fact that you "sort people within a few minutes of knowing them" is great for your cognitive effort, but it's not good to develop meaningful relationships, nor is it good to actually get to know someone. Again, people are complicated - and opposed to your narrow thinking, do not fit into nice little boxes. Again, timing is important - getting to know someone is fine, but the timing matters. Again, maybe you come on too strong and ya people "take dating to seriously" but maybe you should learn to accept that, and take that into account. How can you be rejected so many times, and not learn from them? Either there's something wrong with your approach (Timing) or theres something wrong with you (You're coming on too strong). You can't deny both and say that you get rejected. If they were both true, then you wouldn't have the problem of being rejected.

I merely categorize them in the sense of who I am interested in becoming acquainted with and who is too stupid or otherwise impaired and should be avoided. In my town, I can walk into a room and immediately pick out the majority of the people to place into the "stupid" category. There are other categories, but they mainly fall under the primary two of either "interesting" or "do not want." You can't tell me that everyone doesn't do the same thing on some level. "That guy is acting aggressive and smoking, he's obviously not someone I want to be associated with." or "That person is explaining something to someone else in a calm manner, they might be worth getting to know."

Obviously it's not my final judgment, but it is close enough often.


And explain to me again what you mean by "coming on too strong." The only thing I've ever done is express an interest and ask someone out to a casual date. As for timing, I've tried a variety of different timings from a second meeting to someone that I've known for months and many variants in-between.

Well you're telling me you ask out any girl that falls into an "interesting" category, or at the very least, not stupid and attractive category. Casually, or otherwise.

When you ask someone out, you're doing so on your own accord. It's something you're doing on a conscience level. On the other hand, the girl you sit beside in class, or your friends friend are people you meet more "naturally" get to know them without any real "effort" on your part. Obviously, there are more people who fall into that kind of category - but it's just that kind of relationship I'm talking about, where they get to know you without either of you trying to get to know each other.

Because you ask a girl out on a conscience level, that means that you want to get to know them (and are putting in effort to do so) and because you're asking them out very soon (On a first encounter) it means that you're "interested" too quickly. On an unconscious level, the other person thinks - why do they want to get to know me already? They just met me. Desperation is the common persons first thought. Otherwise, they have a high-ego and think "It's because I'm awesome, who wouldn't want to get to know me" in which case, they probably wouldn't be interested in you in the first place. Going back to the first person, you come off as desperate or too strong because of the timing. Like I said, people are serious about dates, even casual ones. They'd prefer to go out on a meaningful and special one with someone they already like, than with a random person they don't know or like yet.

Basically don't date to get to know someone, but get to know someone before you date.

You realize, I've only tried asking someone out before getting to know them once, it was the second time I met them, and they already had a boyfriend. (I should probably try and find out whether they are taken first, at very least.)

The reason I am trying this is because I have TRIED TO DEATH getting to know people first. I'm in the friend zone 100% of the time. The advice I got from some of my friends who are much more successful with women is that you get TWO encounters before you are considered a friend.


I have tried months of sitting in class, I've tried weeks of casual chatter, I've tried various things in between. The shortest being ~8 days (When I saw a lot of them.) and the longest being someone I had known for ~3 years. Women want to be my friend and nothing more. I am attempting to ask them out BEFORE I am their friend to possibly dodge that problem. I figure it's worth a freaking shot - nothing else has worked.

You're put into a friend category because you're too available. Pyth can go into more detail on that, he explains it pretty well. Basically, you'll be available whether you're given special treatment (Boyfriend/Dating status) or not.

I don't mean to be rude, but maybe it's just you and not your approach then.

I don't believe there is a trick. Two people will and can like each-other regardless of a friend approach, or dating them first. I believe the best relationships stem from friendship, if you rush into a relationship without knowing a lot about each other It seems to not work out as well. All of my relationships stemmed from friendship first, but not me randomly asking a girl to a date. Just stop trying and let things come to you. You don't even need to be in a relationship right now, they're basically only trouble. I'm going to try to wait until college for another very serious relationship. I probably said something similar to Jay. J, but there was a lot of reading which I just skimmed.

Ive realized that a majority of people my age are way too immature for a relationship yet, which makes it end in failure. I guess you can risk pain for experience, if you want. Girlfriends aren't that great, I'm perfectly happy on my own I don't need to rely on another for happiness. Another thing I learned in the last few weeks, I need to do things to make MYSELF happy too, and not to depend on others so much. Time to be more independent.

I am now convinced that the universe hates me and that I should consider a career as a counselor.

#1 Chick gets a boyfriend a week before I meet her. She turns me down when I ask her out only because she has a boyfriend. 5 days later (I.E. Today) she breaks up with her boyfriend. Yes, that just happened.

#2 Three random people have come to me for some form of counseling in the last few days. (Well, one of them wasn't totally random but that's a topic for another day.) Also, 2/3 of them were men. Normally I counsel women and gay men exclusively. Why am I the friendly face that people turn to in times of trouble?


And for the randomness of the day:

I meet a girl in passing and say about two sentences to her. I then say something making a bad joke about her name. I don't think she found it offensive but neither was it very funny.

Later I'm leaving a class and there she is standing outside my classroom waiting for me. (Not joking.) She wants to be my friend and proceeded to follow me until her next class talking. RANDOM AS HELL! (But not bad as long as she isn't a crazy stalker. Having someone to talk to between classes bothers me not and she is personable enough.)

So, yeah.

Hello, breaking news. She came to me in school crying, we talked. Shes been missing me A LOT, she feels like shit, and keeps crying. She wants me back, but dated that guy for about a week, all they did was hangout. What to do? She said it was a mistake, and wishes she didn't hurt me so much, she said she feels lonely without me. Hmmm? What should I do?

Srsrly? I've never heard of a girl who would admit mistakes unless she had an ulterior motive. Maybe I'm not the best one to ask...

At very least make sure she knows your the one in charge of this relationship now.

I personally admit my mistakes all the time. Well, I make mistakes a lot.. But I'm not the typical girl you meet everyday. I'm a lot different than most girls so I really can't base my comments off of my morals and how I am..

The_Angel wrote:

I personally admit my mistakes all the time. Well, I make mistakes a lot.. But I'm not the typical girl you meet everyday. I'm a lot different than most girls so I really can't base my comments off of my morals and how I am..

This tells me that you were molested by a family member. You have my condolence.

ÐeathByCyanide wrote:

Hello, breaking news. She came to me in school crying, we talked. Shes been missing me A LOT, she feels like shit, and keeps crying. She wants me back, but dated that guy for about a week, all they did was hangout. What to do? She said it was a mistake, and wishes she didn't hurt me so much, she said she feels lonely without me. Hmmm? What should I do?

If she offered "All we did was hang out" before you asked what she did, it is likely she had sexual relations of some kind with him. If she told you that after you asked her what she did, she still could have done more, but it is more promising than the previous one. In either case, both scenarios are possible.

My advice is to do what seems right to you, which is probably to take her back, because you seem like a good kid with a heart. After you take her back, I'd recommend reminding her on a reasonably regular basis that she fucked up, so she keeps the distinction between your positions clear in her mind. If you take her back and she is fully forgiven immediately, it is likely that you'll be less respectable in her eyes. If you want to hurt her, then be available to her, but be cold and distant, and don't take her back. Don't push her away, and don't say you won't take her back eventually, but keep her in limbo. If you care about her in spite of what she's done, I'd suggest taking her back, but make sure you hold a grudge for at least a little while, so it won't be as likely to occur again. If it comes out later that she did more than she said she did, I'd drop her immediately on principle, but you'll probably forgive her for the lie as well, and then forgive her for doing things with him later. Again, make sure she feels guilty and knows that shes guilty in your eyes, for a decent period of time, so she won't do it again.

As gutty as it sounds, I'd agree with Pyth.

Except - I think it should be like that more naturally, and not forced.

O, and women admit their mistakes all the time (and apologize) - however, they also choose their battles. Men, will sometimes apologize for things they haven't done yet, have never happened or never would have happened. That's why a womens apology is worth so much more though.

Ok, I admit I was being over-dramatic. I'm just trying to point out that often a woman often uses even something as simple as admitting she's wrong as part of a larger scheme.

Maybe you shouldn't be so paranoid and think that everyone has a scheme and a plan.

I'm going to be blunt. Some women are stupid. They don't have the ability to have "master plans" where they choose to lose one battle, only because it will lead to a greater victory later.

What the hell happened to "You don't give people enough credit, they are far more complex that you think."?

Complexity =/= intelligence.
Some=/= all.

Etc.

So... She was saying how sorry she was, we kissed, and honestly how it went was romantic, and PERFECT. She did that one thing girls do when they look at a guy, and just "melt". It was obvious she likes me a hell of a lot. We were both extremely happy, It just kind of happened. I got her to get rid of that guy, and she got upset because she has to hurt him too.

So I went home finally, and she texts me saying how shes all mixed up, shes tired of hurting people, and shes tired of everything. And she said "This is driving me crazy, I don't want to date anyone at all, I feel so freaking messed up, I don't want to hurt you again but I cant do this anymore, i should have stuck with my decision, this isn't right, these are my feelings, I wish It was different but I'm done, I need to be."

What the fuck is wrong with her? Seriously. Everything was getting better until she fucked it up again.

Fight for her IMO.

Or leave her and don't talk to her ever again. Even as a friend.

SinisteRing wrote:

Wait, so how did she hurt you? Were you stabbed or something? I'm confused.

We were basically dating again and she was like oh nope.

Kyle was trolling, I can't believe you gave him a serious response.

Jay.J wrote:

Fight for her IMO.

Or leave her and don't talk to her ever again. Even as a friend.

Agree.

Basically if this were a poker game, at this point you have the option to go all in or fold. It just depends on how good you think your chances of winning the pot are and the size of the pot compared to the size of your remaining chipstack.

Jay.J wrote:

Kyle was trolling, I can't believe you gave him a serious response.

So? Hes harmless, and he probably actually can't comprehend a relationship of any sort because he has no attraction to any sex.